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An intervention brought to you by ChatGPT.

Alright, listen up people. It's time to talk about something that's been plaguing the corporate world for too long: the dreaded corporate cult.

You know the type - the company that demands complete devotion, worships the ground the CEO walks on and expects you to put in 80-hour weeks without so much as a thank you. But fear not, my fellow survivors. I've been there, done that, and come out the other side with my sanity (mostly) intact. So, buckle up and listen closely, because I'm about to drop some serious knowledge on how to survive a corporate cult.

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1. First things first, you gotta keep your head down and blend in. I'm talking about wearing the right clothes, saying the right things, and never ever question the status quo. If they're all drinking the Kool-Aid, you better damn well pretend to be thirsty too. Trust me, the last thing you want is to stick out like a sore thumb.

2. Next up, find yourself an ally. Preferably someone who's been there longer than you have, and has a decent amount of clout. This person will be your lifeline when the going gets tough, so choose wisely. But remember, this isn't high school - you can't just walk up to someone and ask if they want to be your friend. Play it cool, and slowly build up a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.

3. Now, let's talk about work-life balance. Spoiler alert: there isn't any. If you're working for a corporate cult, your job is your life. But that doesn't mean you can't make time for the things that matter. Schedule in some self-care, whether that's hitting the gym, reading a book, or binge-watching Netflix. And for the love of all that is holy, take a vacation every now and then. Trust me, the company won't crumble without you for a week or two- assuming they don't call while you are on vacation!

4. Speaking of the company, don't get too attached. I know, I know - they're paying your bills and all that jazz. But at the end of the day, you're just a cog in the machine. Don't let the company's rhetoric about "family" and "loyalty" cloud your judgment. If it comes down to it, they'll drop you like a hot potato without a second thought.

5. Last but not least, don't lose sight of who you are. It's easy to get caught up in the corporate cult mentality and forget that you're a human being with your own thoughts and feelings. Don't be afraid to speak up when something doesn't sit right with you, even if it means going against the grain. At the end of the day, your mental health and happiness are worth more than any job.

So there you have it, folks - my guide to surviving a corporate cult. It's not pretty, it's not easy, but it is doable. Remember, you're not alone, and there's always a way out if things get too rough. Stay strong, stay edgy, and don't let the bastards grind you down.

This post was composed by ChatGPT with an "aggressive" voice. No hosts were harmed in the composition of this post. If you are tired of the Kool Aid, may we suggest Lifeboost coffee instead? New customers get 50% off and free shipping of three 12 oz bags of low-acid, high-quality, organic coffee!

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